Case Studies: Radical Strategies for Healing Chronic Relationship Patterns Quickly

Most of our relationships suffer because of our tethers to the past. I wrote in my Flow Training Manual about Lucy. She was bound up in her shoulder, physically. As we gave a gentle pull, while taking the time to connect her to the emotion, we realized that, on some level, she was still ‘holding her father’s hand while she crossed the street.’ This was long ago, as a toddler, and the body had not let go. 

Her father had passed away years before, and she was unable to mourn. 

As I pulled on her shoulder, the floodgates opened. Tears for her father poured out, and her shoulder released physically. 

Deepening Intimacy by tuning into the Rhythms of Life

Our skulls literally expand and contract at the sutures. This opening and closing happens approximately 10 times per minute. The motion only covers fraction of a millimeter, but we can learn to hone in on it and use it for our own unfolding. It can be a powerful tool for cultivating presence, and its beauty lies in its simplicity.

Tuning into this rhythm on ourselves, the rhythm of life, is the most profound sorcery, however it’s easier at first to feel it on another. The cranial tide swims through the entire physiology, but it’s perhaps most accessible at the skull. If presence is the origin of wisdom, the cranial tide, along with the breath, is the pathway to presence.

Use your relationship to awaken; transform the relationship by transforming yourself

Many of our most profound life lessons show up as intimate partners. Our lovers are called into our lives as teachers and sages. They dredge up our deepest fears and unleash our darkest shadows. They set us free by first binding us to our limitations.

This paradigm shift can be very empowering. By keeping our eyes peeled for lessons we can become avid pupils of life; students of the soul. Suddenly, that which was meaningless begins to make sense. Suddenly, a purpose unfolds, and we notice that it was there all along.

First, stand where you are. (Then, step forward).

First, stand where you are. 

This is easier said than done. Somatically, there are pieces of us scattered in the past. We sit in quiet meditation, and a steady refrain begins to play softly under our awareness. Something about our mother or about our origins. Residual pain from an old injury flares up, and tugs our knee back into the fifth grade. If we breathed just a little deeper, we'd notice that fragment of the heart we broke twenty years ago, that hasn't quite been mended. 

I approach every issue in the same way: Discover and resolve whatever is Incomplete

People come to me with a business challenge, or a creative blockage, or a chronic relationship pattern. I watch their language, mannerisms, and posture as they tell their story, and within a few minutes, the origin of the challenge reveals itself. The right knee is clenching. What an interesting choice of words. They could have chosen any word, and they chose 'battle' to explain their condition. A wave of emotion fluttered through the room when they mentioned their partner, and they swallowed it. I saw exactly where it went. Did they notice that? 

Rearranging the Constellation of Stories that you think you Are (for Healing)

I often say that a human being is a constellation of stories. Some of these stories we adopt passively; some we adopt consciously. There is no authentic story; so there is no authentic way of being, other than experiencing the moment fully, and acting out of that experience. 

I distinguish between the personality and the essence, the terminology of Gurdjieff. The personality is what we present to the world; it is concerned with image fitting in. The essence is the part of ourselves that surfaces during peak or awakening experiences. It experiences being directly. 

How Touching into your Essence Fundamentally Shifts Behavior.

Habits can be changed by force, but it is not an effective approach. There is a lot of friction, and therefore a lot of wasted energy. It is easier to change behaviors through a fundamental shift in the nature of being, which shifts the perspective, which shifts the reality. 

Managing and directing the flow of Creative and Sexual Energy

The process of life comes down to the management and direction of energy. After all, our lifetimes are determined by the finitude of our energy supplies. What we accomplish is determined, in part, by where we direct our energy. 

I've talked about increasing the flow of energy, by releasing blockages, and by preserving energy by stopping energy draining activities, thought loops, and taking power back from vampires. 

I want to talk a little now about the directing of energy. 

Discerning Between The Real and the Illusion

Don't let people (or corporations) manufacture your visions of what is possible, or of what is real. You are the architect of self. You are the curator of your reality. You can choose who you follow. Even this decision pulls attention in the wrong direction. We are given a faulty choice. Don't follow anyone. Blaze your own path; march to the beat of your own drum. And fall in love with the depth of the person, an art, an experience, a place. 

Everything is finite.  Change is the one constant. Beauty wanes. Trends change. The essence never dies. Sometimes you can catch a glimpse of it in a photograph, but mostly there's just the sheen off of skin and hair. 

Pretend your legacy matters. Stand at the center of the universe and grin. Soon, someone else will be standing where you are. You'll be replaced. Everything else is wishful thinking. Your legacy will be washed away like footprints on the beach, as will the rest of them, no matter how earth-shattering they seem. 

It's an illusion; a beautiful illusion. Dance with it, if you dare, but don't for a second believe it. Life is rushing at you. The flowers are in full bloom. The grass twists in the gentle breeze. It's time, again, to fall in love with life. 

How the Budden Process Works (Somatic Breakthrough Delivery); With Esoteric Anatomy of the Skull

While the benefits the Budden Process work are often very clear, the mechanics can be mysterious. 

They are a mystery in part because we are working with consciousness, and consciousness is, almost by definition, a mystery. Many spiritual traditions that are based in mindfulness practices are studies of consciousness. We don't study it much in our culture. Scientists call it 'the hard problem.' For one thing, how does one observe oneself objectively, when even the most minute particles of matter seem influenced by the observer?

Certain principles show up again and again in Budden Process sessions. So we can use these to deepen our understanding. 

What is Nourishment, Really?

“A fight is going on inside me," said an old man to his son. "It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is good. he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you." 

The son thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf will win?" 

The old man replied simply, "The one you feed.”

Here are some tips for feeding the right one. 

Awakening Belongs to the People (coopting realities)

Organizations immediately move to co-opt everything real, profound, and quintessential to the human experience. As an example, direct experiences of awakening and oneness have been coopted by religions. These experiences of the purest freedom are then used to control. This is the supreme irony. 

Here are a few guidelines for resistance. 

Transformational Anatomy - The Abdomen

The body is a conduit for life force. This FLOW is hampered by tightening the abdomen. We learn, in our culture, to tighten our abdomen to fit into some programmed, artificial concepts of beauty. We also learn it through the unnatural postures we engage in regularly (sitting, for instance, and standing in certain footwear). We also may tighten the abdomen so as not to feel our deepest fears; our core wounds. 

Honoring the entire spectrum of sensations, Flow and Non-Flow and the Transformational Anatomy of the Psoas)

Sensations are always arising and passing away... arising and passing away. We put a lot of energy into labeling these sensations.

Sensations don't create our reality; the labels do.  The same sensation never shows up twice. 

Included are the tools for making the most of this fluid state. 

The Psoas: Esoteric Anatomy

The psoas runs from the lower 5 lumbar to the top of the femur or thigh bone. When it is congested, it can affect posture, digestion, circulation, sexuality, and the urinary system, to name a few.

Here are a few critical distinctions and tools for opening. 

Gaps in Awareness (and how to fill them)

In day to day living, we are largely unconscious. We often behave mechanically, going from pattern to pattern automatically, moving through our days and lives. We live in the liminal spaces, looking forward to life events, or back with nostalgia on the past.

Here are some practical tips for bringing awareness back, using the body as a springboard. (Hint: this has nothing to do with meditation). 

Holistic Postural Analysis

'We are all different. Still, standing in the way that the body was designed to stand becomes effortless. Living around our discomfort, (as our adapted posture is usually a way to avoid pain), is  taxing to the entire system. Muscles suffer; bones suffer; organs suffer; we suffer. We drain our energy into a black hole, rather than pour it into creative expression, leadership, love... the building of dreams. 

Standing in flow is a way to stand with whatever is, and to face it head on. I say we meet life with our whole body; nothing tucked away; nothing twisting to deflect; nothing collapsing so as not to feel.

Here are a few guidelines... 

Soften the Belly; Meet the Moment, the Lover, the Ocean with your Whole Self 

Soften the belly in interactions with the lover. Soften the belly in interactions with the ‘enemy’. Soften the belly in interactions with the crushing ocean or the dark forest. Something interesting happens… they soften too, as if on cue. 

Your softening impacts the ocean, not because the ocean compromises her fierceness, (that would be to give up her nature), but because her fierceness was a projection of yours; and now the two of you are free meet in an entirely new world. Now her vastness and serenity can surface (projections of yours).